Because today is his birthday, we offer this sacrifice—a Russian that the professor can finally get his hands on all night. Unfortunately, we're not talking about Maria Sharapova. But fortunately, this one also has curves. It's a consolation.
Pour yourself a glass of this Kremlin, preferably on-the-rocks, and bitch I swear you'll drink up like a Gorbachev thirsty for perestroika and glasnost.
On a side note, people say a bottle of alcohol can cause pregnancy. Well, tell them to stick a cap on it. Or pull the plug when the toaster is about to get toast.
These euphemisms make George Carlin mad.
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Suck it up good, bitches.