Big Reveal

What I learned today on a Saturday:

Life is short. Ignorance does not pay. It turns out there are many things in life that we all need to know. We need to know why Kuya Germs doesn't give a shit about sleep. We need to know why people with vaginas are called women. We even need to know why MC Hammer just won't let us touch it. And because we love democracy, we have to ask the most compelling question of the day. Is Manny Villar hiding anything from us, anything at all, apart from that part of his body where the sun never shines?

I think it's about time for Manny Villar to finally reveal his biggest secret.


Yes. The guy is the long-lost fourth member of Gwapings. To be long-lost is understandable. But to be the fourth member of Gwapings is something else. There's not enough vanity in this world that he can't handle.

The guy is practically everywhere. He's on noontime TV shows, newspapers, billboards, Facebook, YouTube, and YouPorn. Well, not yet. Jesus, I'd be surprised if he isn't in my toilet bowl while I shit solid bananas.


No, not even here.

The Long Wait

What I learned today on a Saturday:

The impossible but very good and fantastic Ven Tori ("you-know-who" or "she-who-must-not-be-named") finally released our grades for her class. It took her almost 3 months just to find a random number from 1 to 5. It's a sign that she badly needs a man's touch.

But other than that, it felt magical, like having an orgasm already due and demandable since the end of the semester. It almost felt as if I've waited long and hard for something soft and warm to gracefully fall down a lonely toilet bowl. And before you know it—plok!—it's already there like a pleasant little surprise. The shit is finally over.

Another lesson learned.