Cruz v. Magdayao Case Digest

FACTS
Johnny Lord Cruz and Shiny Magdayao had sex. It was so good that Johnny's "male chicken" [i.e. cock] had a fit of rage, thereby causing it to grow larger than what it would have looked like on a normal day in normal sunlight. But that's not really the meat of the story. "Meat". Get it? Anyway, so there it was, Johnny's horrifying monster inside Shiny's cute little receptacle hammering its way to kingdom-come. There was not so much of a problem, until Johnny had to withdraw his cash from the bank, in a manner of speaking [what?]. Unfortunately for him, he could not pull the plug out of the socket, for the truck was too big to exit the gate [what?]. In spite of repeated demands, Johnny refused to exit. He was enjoying himself. Hence, Shiny filed this complaint for unlawful detainer against Johnny.

ISSUES
[1] Whether or not the complaint for unlawful detainer is the proper action.
[2] If unlawful detainer is the proper action, may the court grant the same?

HELD
[1] Unlawful detainer is the proper action.
[2] The court will refuse, as indeed it refuses, to grant the action.

RATIO
[1] For all intents and purposes, Johnny's "male chicken" [i.e. cock] had prior lawful possession of Shiny's cute little receptacle. His actual and physical and sexual possession of Shiny's God-knows-what became unlawful when he refused to vacate her God-knows-what upon the expiration of the "lease". Or whatever. Shiny had one year to avail of the action. Since it has only been 300 days after that fateful night, Shiny filed her complaint within the prescribed period. In fact, Johnny's "male chicken" [i.e. cock] is still inside the "cage" up to this very day.

[2] Even if unlawful detainer is the proper action, this court will refuse to grant the same. Why? Nothing really. This court will leave these two little fuckers in the same situation where we found them.

DECISION
Dismissed.